Why I scroll not
No more
Tick tock
Goes the clock
Marching ever forwards
I hope in this day you have found some protected time just for you; if not please find it here.
Pop one arm around your chest and then another; lean in for a little hug of love.
You are so welcome.
Exactly as you are.
Ordinary Magnificence
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It has been half a year since I last had a scroll through my Facebook account. I deleted the app from my phone in the summer months; something I had been doing for spells of “mental health” breaks more frequently across the past year to eighteen months. I would have days and weeks away and return expecting a barrage of news to catch up on, only to find a mere trickle. I had not missed much.
So this time it felt like a final goodbye.
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I didn’t leave a message; for really - what was the point - I wouldn’t be able to see or read them and also it would feel a unnecessary flamboyant if I was back on commenting on people’s pet dog posts after a week. Although, quite honestly unnecessary flamboyant is a generally a good rule for life I would argue; at least every now and again.
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I used to rather enjoy a little mooch on the book of faces. An easy way to catch up on news; especially as I live a distance away from my family and many friends. But in truth there is pretty much zero posting from my fam.a.lam and the pesky algorithms seemed to be set against me actually seeing the content I wanted to witness. I enjoyed observing the highlights in other’s lives, the back to school photos, updates on their kids passing their driving tests or moving onto the next stage. But in amongst this was the general stench of untruth. For surely, we mostly only really ever post our best bits; and so we are at risk of comparing the equivalent of our 10 year old, greying, washed out kegs we save for “period days” with the brightest, shiniest, luxury briefs and pert bums on show from our peers.
And what is the fun in that really?
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I thought perhaps I would jump on about the time of my birthday; as it is a lovely little day to receive a shimmering of good wishes. But I did not, grateful though I was for any messages shared.
Over time I was bewildered by the mismatch between what people posted and what was actually going on. After reading a fabulous post about some holiday or other I would connect with these lovely people on a deeper level and realise they were actually dealing with an unholy amount of shit (and making a really magnificent job of it too). And so it led me to be suspicious of the posts I was witnessing; and second guess my own.
And what is the fun in that really?
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Although perhaps, I mused, the issue is not with FB itself; but with my unrealistic expectations of what it can offer me and my mindset upon arrival. It is only ever a snapshot of people’s existence; it never professed to be a bold story teller of gritty life - and if it did would I really want to tune into to hear about my friend’s labradoodles testicular lump removal surgery and subsequent weeping wound, a pals embarrassing smear test experience or a colleagues unexpected VAT bill? I feel that would hold little appeal. Fair play, I lie, I would totally tune on for any embarrassing moments involving body parts. But still; not enough of a draw.
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And on days where I was not really feeling at my best could it actually exacerbate the comparitonitis and must-do-betterness that could take its creeping, strangling hold at a moments notice if I was feeling a little low. Was staring at a screen full of moving images and quips offering a very brief and incredibly superficial glimpse into another’s life ever going to make me feel better? The issue perhaps is not with the platform but with myself? Perhaps I changed? And surely that is OK; we’re kinda supposed to, are we not?
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Furthermore I was finding myself watching a funny little reel after reel and then before I knew it I had wasted minutes upon minutes that I really did not have to lose. Gifting them away and then feeling cross with myself for the valueless dopamine hits I had been chasing.
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And so I tried Instagram; perhaps a more image based platform would do the job.
It did not.
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I keep Linkedin on my phone and very occasionally will have a mooch; and whilst I have some friends doing some clever works of good on there, I cannot confess that it fills my soul with so much joy that I want to return time and time again. But in truth, that may also be where I’m at with my career right now, it was my favoured platform when I was running my own clinic - you knew what you were turning up for at least. FYI, a top tip if you do want to smash it on linkedin; I recommend my most marvy chum Esther and her brill-io book on mastering the world of L-in; she knows stuff and she knows it well.
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And so there it is. I spend time on the B-of-F no more and miss Instag not a lotta; the sky has not fallen in and nobody has called sobbing down the phone asking where my posts are. I am quite certain that lots of people are having a rare old time on there; and how wonderful that this is so. I send them a wave and a kiss and wish them well. I feel my absence may not have been the greatest loss ever either. And that is perfectly a-ok too.
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Will I return, quite possibly, and quite possibly not. Instead I find myself increasingly drawn back to Substack. It really does fill me up, inspire me and lift my mood. It offers insights I would not have otherwise had access to and a community of people who I do not know and yet offer kindness and reassurance and are generous with their words and their crafts. Every week I discover someone new and dive deeper into the substack sea. I care not one jot about numbers of followers, as I’m really just along for the undulating, inspiring, promethean vibe. I arrive feeling curious and leave feeling entertained and lighter.
And there is a ton of fun in that.
Until next time, dearest friends
Sending love and light from my heart to yours, most beautiful people.
Pam
p.s. If you feel you’d like to share my substack with other like minded soul, that would be most marvy.
If you like what you read; please do hit “like” it helps more folks find me, so happy days to that.
Thank you, dear hearts.
I love to hear your thoughts or insights - so please do drop a word or two down….
*All content is provided as general information and is not intended as specific health advice or guidance.